


When in Doubt Try New Things

by Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Demi!Phil, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Tour Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28706271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Succubusphan/pseuds/Nefertiti1052
Summary: Phil has a simple request for Dan: “I want to try something new. I need to figure some stuff out, but it has to be on my own, so I’m asking you to go with the flow and react in whichever way feels natural but don’t ask me about it. I have no answers yet.”
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49
Collections: Phandomreversebang face the music





	When in Doubt Try New Things

Dan put his luggage on the bed and pulled it open entirely before starting the oddly familiar tour packing ritual. He went to his wardrobe smiling as his fingers touched his favourite pair of jeans freshly out of the wash, where they had ended up after Phil spilt milk on them during the clothing exchange in their last video. Phil wearing his ripped jeans, awkwardly waving about the flap/ high fashion fanny pack they had, and his oversized black sweater was a sight to see. After nine years with Phil as his best friend, Dan should have gotten over it, his stupid little crush, but he couldn’t, and it had soon turned into love.

For many years Dan had tried to repress his feelings, but after starting therapy, he’d decided that doing so was drowning him. It was like shutting off an integral part of himself, and for what? He wasn’t hurting anyone. Phil was none the wiser, or if he was, he had the decency not to bring it up, sparing him that awfully awkward “I’m gay, and I love you but not like that” talk. Now Dan chose to enjoy the little moments with Phil, even if it was as a friend, daydreaming of what could be different if the feelings were mutual. Not much, perhaps. After all, they spent all their time together, worked together, lived together … just some kissing - or a little more. 

Dan grabbed some of the clothes Phil had worn for the video and started folding them and put them in his suitcase; he’d make sure to wear them more often. He turned back to the wardrobe and caught sight of something red and glittery, the ladybird jumper. Dan would like to say he forgot to return it, but that would be a lie. He pulled it from the hanger and smelled it; he could faintly make up Phil’s scent mixed with his own. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door even though it was open, Dan looked up and his eyes met Phil’s as he leaned against the door frame. “Hey, packing early?”

Dan pulled the sweater away from his face. “I - yeah. I didn’t want to rush at the last minute like the other times.”

“Good choice,” Phil gave him a pained smile. “Um, there’s something I wanted to ask you, and since it’s kind of urgent I thought I’d better ask before the tour.”

Dan’s stomach twisted into knots even though he didn’t know what Phil was on about. He knew Phil; this was something serious, potentially bad even. “What do you want to talk about?” Dan held the jumper a little tighter.

“Well, this flat was always supposed to be temporary, we can’t keep paying for two rents just to be able to have a living and a filming space. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Dan nodded.

Phil sighed and finally entered the room. “Look, I think it would make a lot more sense if we bought a house, and I think this is as good a time as any,” he said, his smile finally reaching his eyes.

“We?” Dan was beside himself. _“Together?”_

“Of course, why? Were you planning on moving out?” Phil’s smile fell. 

“Well, n-no. I don’t know.” Dan’s head was spinning, so he sat on the bed with a sigh. “I thought we would discuss it when the lease was over, I guess.”

Phil sat beside him. “Financially it doesn’t make sense to keep waiting, and buying a house can be a long process, so I think we should start looking as soon as possible.”

“Do you really want to keep living with me?” Dan said and started chewing on his lips.

“Obviously. You are my favourite rat.” Phil giggled.

Dan rolled his eyes and threw the jumper at him. “I forgot to give this back to you.”

“Of course you forgot; that’s why you were smelling it when I came in.”

“I was checking that it was cleannnn!”

“Oh, I was just checking!!!” Phil mocked him, making his classic ‘odd hand scrunching motion’ instead of air quotes, but before he could continue, Dan had started hitting him on the face with a pillow. “Ah! Stop!”

“I hate you,” said Dan, doing a horrible job at hiding what he truly meant.

“Are we buying a house together then?” Phil smirked.

“Phil, you are 31. Don’t you think buying a house with your best friend instead of a partner or even alone would be wiser?”

Phil frowned. “No, why would I want to live with anyone else?”

“I don’t know. I’m just asking. I don’t think we can keep living together forever like when I was a college drop out, and you couldn’t even cook.”

“Why not? You are still a college drop out, and I still don’t know how to cook. We are the same people.”

“Are we?” Dan gave him a meaningful look.

Phil’s eyes dropped to the ground. “No, I guess we are not.” He sighed. “Are you moving out then?”

“Shit - I mean. No, I guess not. I just want you to be sure that you won’t regret being in your thirties and living with your buddy, you know. I don’t think you should rush this decision.”

“Yeah, ok. I’ll take the tour to figure it out, but-” Phil looked into his eyes, “I need you to do something for me. Would you?” 

“Sure. Anything.”

“I want to try something new. I need to figure some stuff out, but it has to be on my own, so I’m asking you to go with the flow and react in whichever way feels natural but don’t ask me about it. I have no answers yet.”

“Okay, is there anything I should do or avoid doing?”

Phil shook his head. “Just do what feels right to you.”

“Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Thank you; you’re my best friend, Danny.” Phil poked Dan’s side.

“Any time, Philly.”

\---

The tour started without a hitch. The first leg through the UK went by in a breeze. Nothing felt out of the ordinary; perhaps Phil clung to him a bit more. Sometimes, he asked Dan to share a room instead of having his own space, but it was nothing that Phil wouldn’t usually do when feeling lonely or sad. Dan thought nothing of it at first, opting for asking him if everything was ok or if he needed to talk, but Phil merely shook his head with a smile and clung to him a little tighter. 

Eventually, Dan decided to lean into Phil as well, to enjoy those brief moments of privacy they got, cuddling up to each other and resting his head on Phil’s shoulder as the van made its way to the next city. 

Once in Belfast, they checked into their joint suite and left the luggage abandoned haphazardly around the room, choosing to enjoy a movie night instead of putting their things away and getting to bed. They had dinner on the sofa as “Ready Player One” played on the TV. Dan wasn’t tired per se, but he felt content in a way that made him want to lay down and rest his head on Phil’s lap, so he did. Letting Phil run his fingers through his hair, Dan closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch of the person he loved the most for a little while. A finger strayed from the path, going down his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his lips, then disappearing when Dan smiled. He peeked one eye open and found Phil looking at him fondly. 

“What?” Dan asked.

Phil shrugged. “Nothing… you just looked so happy, so carefree. It’s a rare sight.”

“Hmm, it is a rare day when I’m not stressed out of my mind.”

“It’s a good look on you.” Phil booped Dan’s nose.

Dan laughed and closed his eyes again. “Thank you, now please, keep running your fingers through my hair.” 

“Lift,” Phil said and placed a soft cushion under Dan’s head. “Better?”

“Mmm, yeah.” 

After a few minutes of silent fingers running through his hair, Phil paused. “Can I try something?”

Without opening his eyes, Dan nodded. “I would let you murder me right now,” he sighed.

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s hair once again and held them there, lightly pulling. A gasp escaped Dan’s lips, and before he could ask what he was up to, Phil pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Dan didn’t mean to respond immediately, but he was only human; he buried his fingers in Phil’s hair and kissed back more firmly, not daring to go further. Phil broke the kiss shortly after, Dan’s lips chasing after him pathetically. 

“Thank you,” Phil said.

Dan opened his eyes and gave him a questioning look, but Phil shook his head and smiled at him. “Not yet.”

Dan’s mind was flooded by different tides of thoughts, feelings, and worries, conveying into a rough sea that threatened to drown him. ‘Not yet,’ he thought. He couldn’t deal with the questions swarming within him; he needed to break away from them before they pulled him down.

Dan tried to get up, but Phil pushed down on his chest softly and whispered: “Stay.” So Dan stayed and closed his eyes again, letting Phil run his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know what Phil was trying or looking for, but Dan could only hope it wouldn’t cost their friendship - or his sanity. 

\-- 

Something in them changed that night, but some things stayed the same. The first time Phil held his hand, Dan looked between their linked fingers and him questioningly, but Phil simply smiled and squeezed his hand gently, so Dan didn’t ask. Getting the little things he had always thought about doing with Phil was a bit weird but also comforting; it felt natural, so he went with the flow. Their hands naturally gravitated towards each other when they had a moment of privacy; it became a ritual of sorts. 

The kisses still made Dan feel dizzy though. They were never too daring: A good night kiss before bed, a good luck peck before going on stage (guarded by the darkness), a kiss on the palm of Dan’s hand when they shared a movie night or worked side by side on the sofa. Kissing Phil felt natural, like something they should have always been doing but also scary, so Dan accepted it but was never the one to kiss first. 

In a way, it felt like a dream he could wake up from at any point, so he decided not to risk it.

\---

Russia brings a lot of worries but some happiness as well. A bit terrified that the Russian government would go through their phones and discover that they were gay, they switched to their older models for that portion of the tour, leaving their usual phones behind. Their management had suggested it and they had readily agreed, especially since they’d become closer. Phil had started collecting pictures of Dan, and unlike the usual creepshots, these were of a different nature; one of them even showed him resting his head on Phil’s shoulder as they laid on the couch. 

As scary as it was, seeing all the pride flags and glitter in the audience and at the meet and greet left them with a soaring heart. Dan felt like he wanted to share his story, but he wasn’t ready yet, not entirely, but he felt so proud and welcome. Even if they didn’t know what they had done for Dan, he would always remember that. 

Germany went by in a blazing breeze, sweaty backstage kisses, and a sightseeing afternoon later, they were in Poland celebrating Dan’s Birthday. 

Dan had expected to return to their room and order some room service, maybe toast with champagne, but as soon as they shut the door, Phil asked him to get ready for a dinner reservation. 

It was a nice pub where they could enjoy the local food and have some beer, nothing too fancy or elaborate but a thoughtful choice nonetheless. Instead of ordering a cake, they settled for a cupcake tower with different flavours to try a bit of everything and put a candle on it. 

Phil grabbed his hand across the table. “Make a wish,” he said expectantly. 

And Dan did. Just for that night, he allowed himself to dream that Phil’s little experiment would bring them together in the end. He smiled at Phil and blew the candle.

“What did you wish for?” Phil asked.

“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true,” Dan said, wiggling his eyebrows.

The rest of the night was spent taking pictures, drinking beer, and playing darts until they were too buzzed to stay awake. 

A winding walk back to the hotel room was followed by flashes and a string of mental images and phantom feelings. Phil pushed Dan against the wall and kissed him deeply until they were both panting, but moments later, Dan grabbed him by the shirt and reversed their positions, pressing Phil against the wall without breaking the kiss. Before long, Phil pushed at Dan’s chest gently, their ragged breaths mixing in the hot summer night as they looked into each other’s eyes. A plea fell from Phil’s lips. “Dan,” he whispered with a ghost of a kiss, “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Was that wrong?” Dan asked.

Phil shook his head and smiled. “No, it wasn’t.”

Dan stepped away but held Phil’s hand. “Are we ok?”

Phil kissed Dan’s hand. “Yeah, I just… need to stop before I can’t.” He sighed loudly. “Happy birthday, Danny.” He grabbed the back of Dan’s neck and pulled him in for a last kiss before slipping into the bathroom. 

Dan got into his bed and fell into a fitful sleep, the fragmented memories of the night playing in his dreams.

\---

The American leg of the tour was quite challenging, although rewarding - the constant heatwaves threatening to be too much for their old and frail European bodies. At home there were five sunny days a year tops; thankfully, every single building had an aircon, otherwise they would’ve died. 

Maybe they were a little crazy, maybe they did decide to go on a trip to the middle of the desert, and maybe Dan did wear black in the middle of the blazing summer, but he needed to let the lunacy out in some form. Phil was driving him barmy. One afternoon, while they were alone in the tour bus he’d even attempted to climb into Dan’s bunk bed, and although Dan loved Phil dearly, that was a bit too much. Phil shrugged but said he would request cuddles at a later date. 

Overall the tour was great, _minus_ the heat and Phil's mysterious mission that he still refused to talk about, _plus_ all the kisses. By the time they reached California, Dan was adjusting to their new dynamic quite well as long as they kept things nice and innocent. There hadn’t been any risky incidents since the night of his birthday, but - Dan was not counting on having to sleep with Phil multiple nights in a row. 

Apparently, the hotel was overbooked, and instead of giving them a suite with two single beds, there was only a king-size bed. Literally, _there was only one bed_. Dan snorted when he saw it, but Phil had the cheek of telling him that he had accepted the change without reservations since the bed was big enough for both of them. That was a problem.

Sure, they had slept together here and there platonically, but this was different. Phil was a cuddler, a cover hugger, and he sometimes kissed Dan’s shoulder in his sleep. The first night Dan barely got any sleep, Phil decided that unanimously that he would be the big spoon, so he rolled over to Dan’s side and wrapped his arms around him, tucking his chin on the crook of Dan’s neck with a sigh. It was nice - it was actually really nice, but Phil decided to move his hand under Dan’s t-shirt and rub circles on his tummy. Dan tensed up under his touch, unsure of what to do. He was definitely enjoying the moment, but he was afraid Phil would freak out if he tried anything. “Phil?”

Phil hummed.

“What are you doing?”

“Cuddling you, it’s nice.”

“I like cuddling, but unless you want to take things further, I suggest you don’t pet my stomach.” Dan laughed. 

Phil’s hands stilled. “Oh, right. Sorry.” Instead, Phil held onto Dan’s hand and sighed. “Dan?”

“Yeah?” 

“Can I get a good night kiss?” Phil pouted. 

Dan smiled in the dark and turned his face towards Phil. “Sure, Bub.”

Phil kissed him softly before whispering a good night. 

The following nights went by without any awkward moments, but that didn’t mean Dan didn’t think about their relationship in every waking moment. It was just too good to be true, and yet Phil wasn’t all the way in. Would they go back to their old ways after the tour? Would Phil decide to move out on his own? Dan didn’t hold a shred of a doubt that he didn’t want to go back to being _just_ friends. After seeing a new side of Phil, he wasn’t willing to let it go.

\---

  
  
  


The beginning of the end was marked by the United States / Canada border and a very sexy border patrol agent called Chan. He was a bit shorter than Dan himself but not by a lot. He had beautiful skin, dark straight hair, perfect cheekbones, and cute lips. Chan was also very nice. Even though he made everyone leave the bus, he was quite polite as he went through their stuff, checking that they didn’t have anything illegal and complimenting them on the state of their ride. Dan smiled widely at that since cleaning the bus was how he coped with being in a long tuna can for prolonged periods of time. He even made a few jokes that Chan laughed at, and he took pride in that. 

Maybe it was wrong to flirt with the border patrol agent, but… Dan was officially single, so there was no harm in a little flirting, right?

Well, Phil didn’t seem to agree with that since he spent the following days teasing Dan about it, partially joking, but kind of not - he was being petty in true Phil fashion. Dan’s chest burst at every display of jealousy from Phil; it was honestly quite addicting. Maybe they did have a chance, maybe Phil did feel something for him after all - or maybe it was all in his mind.

Dan tried his best to wait until the tour was over like Phil had asked but honestly, trying to dissect their every interaction was taking its toll on his mind, trying to guess the future and what it all meant; if they didn’t talk about it he would surely go mad. So ten days after the Chan incident, Dan _cracked_. 

Once again, they checked into a hotel, and Phil had switched them over to a suite with only one bed. He put his luggage in the closet, not bothering to unpack - the show was in a few hours and this would probably take a while. 

“Phil, we need to talk.”

Phil glanced up from his phone with a quizzical look. “About what?”

“About whatever is happening between us, I just can’t keep thinking about this every day. I’m going mad.” Dan buried his fingers in his hair and pulled.

“Ok,” Phil pursed his lips. “Do you want to stop?”

“Yes. No - _I don’t know_ ,” Dan started pacing up and down the room. “I want to know what’s happening.” He sat on the bed with a huff.

“Ok, I’m sorry that this stressed you out. It wasn’t my intention” Phil sat beside him and held his hand. “I thought talking about it upfront would put a lot more pressure on us before I even got the answers I needed.”

“What are you actually trying to figure out?”

“My feelings for you.” Phil sighed. “I didn’t want to say ‘Hey, I want to see how we would work as a couple’ because I felt like you would’ve been too nervous about it, and I would’ve freaked out because it could have potentially ruined our friendship. ”

Dan’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Have you figured it out yet?” He felt on the verge of crying. “Your feelings for me, Do you have an answer?”

“I think so, _partially_ ,” Phil sighed. “I can’t see myself living with anyone else or sharing my day to day life with anyone besides you, but I also know that you have feelings for me. I didn’t think it would be fair of me to push you to buy a house and not be sure about what that meant for us. I knew you would if I asked, but I didn’t want to ruin your chance at being happy elsewhere.”

Dan felt like all the oxygen was being sucked out of his lungs. “And?”

“I always knew I loved you, but I wanted to know if this meant I was _in love_ with you, if I could really cross that last barrier between us. What it would be like adding that extra layer to our friendship and I can say I’ve enjoyed it a lot. I didn’t want to risk our friendship by asking you to be my boyfriend and then maybe realize that I had made a mistake and break your heart in the process. I had no problems with staying just friends because I figured we would always be together, so I guess I was scared to make the jump.”

Dan took a deep breath and spoke as fast as he could. “You are literally killing me, stop going around in circles. You can’t say you were trying to figure out if you were in love with me and not tell me what you concluded about that. I’m _begging_ you, _please_ put me out of this misery.” 

Phil laughed. “Sorry, I wanted to tell you in a few days in the house I rented for us in the forest. I love you, I am _in love_ with _you_ and I want you to buy a house with me… _please_.”

Dan grabbed Phil by his t-shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, mumbling against his lips. “I love you, I love you so much.”

Phil smiled against his lips. “So is that a yes? Are you my boyfriend? Are we buying a house?”

Dan pulled back for a moment. “Yes, but I want to come out, I’ve been working on it with my therapist. I want it to be about me, not about our relationship per se. I want us to keep it for ourselves, not hiding it but not posting about our private life on social media either. People will put two and two together anyway.”

Phil nodded. “As long as we keep our relationship a priority in our lives, I have no problem with that.”

“I like that. You do realize we will need to sort the lease thing out the moment we get back right? We could end up living in a storage unit,” Dan groaned.

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s hair and leaned in for another kiss. “I wouldn’t mind. Home is wherever I’m with you, Bub.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Written for the @phandomreversebang Face The Music edition, based on the song “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes and the prompt provided by my lovely artist and friend @rainbowchristy, thank you for creating the gorgeous art for the fic and being awesome as always.
> 
> Thank you so much to my amazing Beta @phanallyhome who worked really hard on this fic despite my poor management skills and was also great at communicating which is excellent beta work if you ask me. 
> 
> [Art Link](https://rainbowchristy.tumblr.com/post/640140493978845184/when-in-doubt-try-new-things)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [Succubusphan](http://Succubusphan.tumblr.com/)
> 
> In case you wish to reblog the fic: [Tumblr Link](https://succubusphan.tumblr.com/post/640140025392250880/when-in-doubt-try-new-things)
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!!!!


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